Some people make an excuse that “If the dowry and the dinner are not given, the wedding of thousands of those girls will become impossible who are not of fair color, blackish or uneducated or divorcee or widow or inferior due to many reasons”.
It is not true. The dowry would have been the best solution if it were helpful to wed such girls. If it were the case that the fair color, educated and posh family’s girls were married without any dowry while only the inferiors girls needed dowry to be married, the mentioned excuse would have been acceptable.
The situation is that the dowry is inevitable irrespective of the girls’ beauty, education, financial status etc. Please kindly take a survey of 10 or 20 of your cousins and colleagues. (In fact, you will have to conduct a thorough investigation too as no one will tell you the facts honestly).
You will find that:
99% will condemn the dowry system but they have committed to accept the dowry by consent or under the “default” system.
50% of their mothers and elders set the game, sent the proposal to those girls’ houses from where they could acquire a lot without asking or bargaining.
40% of them (In fact, their parents) mentioned the list of articles and set the conditions.
5% of them refrained from extravagance and discounted many things from the normal list like Cash (Joda, Tilak or Streedhanam),Gold, Bed, Furniture, Automobile and other assets with Dinner etc. But it is not that they married without letting the parents of the girl spend a single penny.
3% of them married in unusual situation like a love marriage, or for the sake of immigration, iqama etc where the dowry was not involved. If it were the normal circumstances, the dowry and dinner etc would have definitely been involved.
2% hardly will be those who married courageously on the Sunnat of the Prophet SAWS and did not become a burden on the bride’s parents and did not allow them to spend even if the parents were capable as this was the
occasion of setting good example of an Islamic Halaal marriage. May Allah bless them with prosperity in Iman, health, wealth and children, Aameen.
So where is the question of beautiful or Ugly, fair or unfair, educated or uneducated, virgin or divorcee/widow? No girl is pardoned of the dowry. The only difference is that the rate of the beautiful, educated and well off family’s girls is slightly cheaper than the inferiors.
Another difference is that although the dowry is compulsory for both but the beautiful’s dowry is understood by default i.e. comes without bargaining and sometimes it is negotiable too but the inferior’s dowry is demanded, non-negotiable.
So those who advocate the dowry in favor of inferior girls are making the life of the inferior girls more difficult by allowing this system of buying the men for these girls. The call of the hour is to eradicate the dowry from the roots and make the men realise that according to the Quran 4:34 a man (MARD) is defined as the one who spends on the woman instead of making her spend on him”. This is the reason he is bestowed upon the rights on her.
It is not wise to defend the Dowry but to stand against it on Military scale. This is the best Jihad of the hour.